Every now and again, a whisky comes along that changes everything. A whisky so radical and forward thinking that it blows away the competition and launches a bold new era in the long traditions of scotch whisky. Just such a whisky arrived in 2014. Packaged in a radical square blue bottle, it is not only a magnificent dram, but comes with the backing of a national hero.
The Scotch whisky industry famously fluctuates between periods of boom and bust, but the last few years have been good to the producers of single malt, with demand for quality spirits soaring ever higher. In many ways this has led to a sort of stagnation of ideas, with distillers afraid to try anything new. However, just as it appeared any hope of true innovation was lost, an unlikely saviour of scotch appeared on the horizon.
Much like he did against Greece on October the 6th 2001, David Beckham stepped forward, only this time, instead of loosing a trademark free-kick goalward, he chapped politely on the doors of Diageo HQ and asked to join them in unholy matrimony.
Following arcane rituals and blood sacrifices, the dark alliance was sealed and plans set in place that would shake the whisky industry to it’s very core. In what would prove to be a masterstroke, Diageo took some empty perfume bottles and filled them with leftover grain whisky from Cameron Brig, usually available for £25.
After a camera crew filmed David Beckham getting drunk in the highlands of Scotland for a few days, the brand went on to launch to great critical acclaim with social media awash with positive comments like ‘David F*cking Beckham??!!’ and ‘So, is this like an aftershave or something?’.
Haig Club it seemed, was the brand the world didn’t know it needed but it’s arrival changed the landscape forever and left other scotch producers the world over running to catch up.
Haig Club is a single grain whisky that was in some wood for a while. It comes in a fetching blue square and costs about £4000 a bottle.
Smell: More Vanilla than Vanilla. Simply incredible.
Taste: Even better than the nose. Like Vanilla overdosed on Vanilla then threw up all over itself.
Value for Money: To be honest, anything up to 5 figures would be a bargain.
Score: 50.5 / 50. About the Scoring…
When I started this blog, I never dreamt for one second that I would come across a spirit of such exquisite beauty as Haig Club. Top marks just wasn’t enough so I added on an extra 0.5 for what is a truly remarkable dram, only enhanced by immaculate presentation. A real, genuine drop of liquid gold, excreted from the inner workings of old Goldenballs himself. Majestic.
*** UPDATE *** UPDATE *** UPDATE *** UPDATE ***
In case it wasn’t obvious from my writing above, this review was a little joke for April Fools day. Below is a more accurate description of my views on Haig Club.
Smell: Vanilla, Coconut, Lemon, Cream
Taste: Vanilla, Lemon, Honey, Cream, touch of Spice
Value for Money: This is where Haig Club really falls down for me. £45 is excessive for what is essentially a young, bourbon-matured grain whisky.
Score: 32.5 / 50
For the record, I don’t think Haig Club is as bad as many make out. It is a drinkable, if basic dram that has unfortunately been well overpriced. For me, a bottle of Cameron Brig is by far the better purchase.